That morning I walked slowly from the clinic back to work. I remember that it was a beautiful sunny day in Seattle. The heat was radiating from the side-walk and I could feel the sun beating down on my black hair. As I entered the office building, I could feel a gust of cold breeze come rushing by me as the automatic doors opened, letting the air-conditioned air out until the doors closed behind me. How…why…what happens now? I’m going to be a mom. How can I tell my parents? How am I going to tell him? I could feel my stomach starting to churn just thinking about it all.
My lunch hour was over and the reception area was filled with patients who needed to get into rooms to see the Cardiologist. I welcomed the distractions of work and worked hard for the rest of the day. At times, I thought I had forgotten about the news I just received but during the small quiet times of the day, I could the doctor’s words repeating over and over, “You’re going to be a mom.”
I finished the rest of the work day without any further distraction from my head. I had a few charts to finish so I was one of the last staff members to leave the office. I walked slowly down the cold stairwell to the parking garage and passed the security guard at the bottom of the stairs.
“Have a good night.” He says with a sweet smile and a tilt of his head.
“Thank you” is all I could manage since I was already deep in thought.
I opened the heavy metal door to the garage and walked into the heat of the day. I took off the white sweater that I had on because the air-conditioning made it so cold in our office building that I froze most of the day. I unlocked my Honda Passport and climbed into the driver seat. I unrolled all the windows and sat there thinking. I don’t remember how long I was there. The next thing I knew, the security guard had approached my driver’s side window.
“Are you okay? Do you need help or are you waiting for someone?”
I looked up at him and choked back the tears, “I’m okay. Thank you. I’m just waiting for my car to cool off before I get going.” I put the car into gear and started my way home. By the time I reached my apartment I knew what I was going to do. I needed to tell him as soon as possible. I walked up my stairs and I could hear ringing. Is that my phone? I quickly unlocked my door and ran to the phone. It was him. How does he do that?! I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. Do I tell him over the phone? Do I do it now? How do I tell him? We make small talk for a little while before he suggests that we get together for dinner at his favorite restaurant. I agree to meet him tomorrow night at his apartment. My world was about to change again..was I ready?
It was another beautiful night in Seattle. There was just enough of a breeze that it was making my white chiffon dress flow with the wind. I stood in front of his door, looking down at my shoes with my right hand raised, posed and ready to knock but I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I knew that nothing would be the same from here on out. I stood there for another couple of minutes before I heard the door begin to open. I jumped back a bit and adjusted my dress.
“Are you going to come in or are you going to stand there for a little while longer?”
“I think I’ll stand here longer”, I say sarcastically. As he guided me into his apartment and gave me a hug. Please don’t start crying now. Hold it together. I told myself.
I sat down on the couch he had in the living room. As I did, I could feel the cushions beside me sink down as he sat next to me. I should have waited but before I knew it the words came out, “I need to tell you something.” No more had those words come out of my mouth when he replied.
“You’re pregnant aren’t you?”
How does he do that? “How did you know that?”
“I don’t know…I just do”, he says with a half-smile. He turns his head and looks away from me. The silence was deafening and it seemed to last forever.
I finally break the silence by saying, “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I want you to know that I am keeping this baby. There is no discussing it. I will do this with or without you but you need to decide and mean it because I won’t let you be in it one minute and then out the next. I can’t handle that…I need to know as soon as you decide because I need to make plans.”
The look on his face was neither happiness or joy nor was it anger or disapproval. His expression was blank…my heart sank. What could he be think? Was I about to do this all alone?
(To be continued)