I continued to see him, hoping that something would change. He continued to see other women as he continued to see me. It was like Groundhog Day. We saw each other everyday for weeks until he got “cold feet” then I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks on end. I wish I could tell you that I had enough of it all and walked away from the whole thing but I stayed. I was in deep. How deep? I’ll let you decide.
One day, he asked me to come over for lunch. When I got there, he was still in bed because he just finished a long call shift for the hospital. I hadn’t been there more than two minutes when his phone rang. It was his ex-girlfriend. He took the call. I started to walk out of his room to give him privacy but he grabbed my hand and motioned for me to stay. As the call went on and on, I finally laid down on the floor because I was getting bored and annoyed. I’m not sure if she knew about his life but it seemed like he was giving all his attention to her. I started to get up again but this time, he threw me on to the bed next to him and he was now holding my hand. Which you already know caused me to get weak in the knees. It seemed like I knew about all the other girls but no one knew about me, not even his friends. My friends, however, knew everything about him. There were nights that I dreaded his pager going off or the phone ringing because I knew he could be leaving to see who ever it was for the week or his ex-girlfriend. I was the one consistent girl week after week, year after year. Did that make me ahead of the other girls, was I hopelessly “in love” or just plain stupid? Don’t answer that…
Last year, I started taking vocal lessons and the songs that my coach chose for me (to attempt) were songs like “Black Velvet by Alannah Myles”, “Landslide by Stevie Nicks” and “Stay by Sugarland.” Apparently, if I can tap into the voice hidden inside, my voice could be like theirs. I keep praying that will happen someday soon but so far not so much. When I started to learn the last song “Stay”, a huge rush of emotions came from no where. Every word I sang from that song, brought memories from when I was living my “Groundhog Day” week after week. I had blocked out from my memory the nights that I cried myself to sleep and how much my heart ached because I wanted him to stay with me until that song “Stay” made it all come back. Just like in the song, I did get fed up of being last and I started a relationship with someone else…for a while anyway. He was kind, handsome…dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, not too tall…totally opposite from him. I was beginning to forget about him and I felt like I was moving on…until July 4th, 1996.
(To be continued)