Day 10 of 365 days of the White Rabbit Project
I think that part of the key to finding passion is defining what that word means to you and how it feels to you. For me, passion is that feeling of happiness and joy, an overwhelming desire to master the thing I am passionate about and evolve with it. Part of that passion is that I love watching what happens when I push myself and that passion, more and more. Testing the boundaries for myself and my passion, to see how far we can go.
One of my closest friends believes passion is a temporary feeling, fleeting in their eyes. My friend believes that love is a stronger emotion because of its sustainability. I could try to argue that passion could be sustained if it is true passion but I think that it’s useless to argue with them, when it’s obvious that they haven’t felt that kind of passion in their live time (yet). For me, the passion I felt back when I was younger and now as an adult picking up those activities again is like “coming home.” That’s why I think that true passion is long-lasting. I believe, true passion doesn’t leave a person, we just choose to walk away from the thing that gives us passion for what ever reason but when we get close to it again those feelings come back just as strong or stronger than we remembered.
Take writing, for me when I was younger I remember writing for hours stories upon stories on paper. I always used a pencil so I could erase and rewrite without leaving scribbles and lines everywhere. I loved taking ideas from my head and watching them come to life on paper. Things I had forgotten about until I started writing (blogging) again. To this day, I love the smell of pencil lead and I can almost smell it as I type (weird I know). I told my husband just today, that I didn’t think it was possible but I feel even more joy than I had before and I feel that a sense of purpose has been re-established that I didn’t know was even missing until I began this journey.
When I left my job to stay home, I felt happy again and whole being home with my family. Then when I started doing ministry and began teaching children I felt even more complete and fulfilled. Now, even more so just by writing again. I wonder if I continue to search and re-establish with more of my past passions like playing cello will that feeling of fulfillment continue? Which makes my wonder this, how unfulfilled was I to begin with? Did I know it and just didn’t understand that the unhappiness that I contributed to work was actually my heart saying that I was not fulfilling my true passions? Was I caught up in the American dream of thinking that if I were successful in my career and making good money, I’d be fulfilled? Whose dream was it? Was it ever my dream?